The Economy of Getting Laid


Roses, compliments, and, lies aside: to get laid, the man must rise to the occasion.

Should he fail to get and maintain an erection; therein would lie an opportunity for companies that make products like Viagra to multiply their chances of being able to pay rent in that particular month.

Should he have no problem getting and maintaining an erection (or, after Viagra has sorted out his “hiccup”); therein would lie an opportunity for companies like Durex to please their investors.

Should he have no problem getting and maintaining an erection – but is anti-condoms; therein would lie an opportunity for companies that profit from antiretroviral drugs to deepen their pockets. (Well, that’s provided the unsafe sex leads to, at least, one of the two getting infected with HIV.)

If the newly infected person is a pedestrian, the taxi industry will then have an extra person taking extra taxi rides.

If the infected person has a car, the automobile industry (car, tires, et al. companies) too will profit (more trips equals shorter lifespan of the car, tires, et al.). Wether the infected person has a car or not, companies selling fuel will see a slight increase in their profits. Furthermore, the health care industry too will “benefit.”

Again, whether the two just-had-sex duo gets a sexually transmitted disease or not, their having unprotected sex creates an opportunity for pregnancy to be.

Say, the woman falls pregnant. 9 months or so later, a future-consumer will be born.

  1. That kid will need food. Baby food making factories will profit.

  2. That kid will need to be clothed. Baby clothes making factories will profit.

  3. That kid will need a loo that follows him. Nappy makers will profit.

  4. That kid will need want toys. Toy makers will profit.

  5. That kid will need school. Employee manufacturing factories too will profit.

  6. That kid will get flu. Cough-mixture makers will profit when the kid’s parents cough up a dollar, or, six.

  7. That kid will need textbooks. Such publishers will profit.

  8. That kid will need want a cellphone. The telecommunication industry will profit.

  9. That kid will need want a laptop. Companies like Apple will profit.

  10. That kid will go to the toilet. Toilet paper makers will profit.

  11. That kid will need guts to tell women that he likes them. Companies like Heineken will profit.

  12. That kid might want to see 6 naked women in 1 day. The porn industry will profit.

  13. That kid will need want to be entertained. The show biz industry will profit.

  14. That kid will need want to be distracted. Those profiting from TV will profit.

  15. That kid will be heartbroken. Chocolate makers will profit.

  16. That kid might want to appear cool. Cigarette sellers will profit.

  17. That kid might need to be in shape. Those who profit from making facilities where others can come sweat will profit.

  18. That kid will have sex. Again, an opportunity for Durex to keep it’s landlord’s mouth shut.

  19. Also, the woman could fall pregnant, but decide to get rid of the ”poor baby”. As a result, those who abort pregnancies for a living will get to make a living.

  20. The kid will someday die. Undertakers will then undertake a funeral. Ching-ching.


The above are merely “alternative histories” of just one couple, and, just one sexual encounter. Every time they think of having sex – the same possibilities are made possible. Multiply that by the number of sexually active people in the world.

A choice of whether to have sex or not affects the economy of the world.

(Nothing creates “employment” like the pursuit of an orgasm does. And that excludes prostitution — the act of monetizing an orgasm that a stranger affords another.)




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— August 7, 2011.